Gone Too Long
by Shin Sankai
Summary: Misao's been away for a month in Edo visiting the Himura's and Aoshi contemplates about his feelings for her over the rain.


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GONE TOO LONG

I have been sitting down on the wooden porch surrounding the Aoiya looking out into the front yard for a number of hours now. It had been raining constant, not letting up as though it were sending me a secret message. I sighed to myself and looked out into the soaked yard once more. That's when I noticed the far away delicate figure walking up the now muddy path towards the Aoiya. The constant rain falling from the sky blurred her image slightly but I could make out her travelling bag as well as the umbrella she placed above her to shield herself from the rain. She had been away for a month, seeing Himura and the others. 

I remember Okina and the others talking about it over breakfast one morning. Yes I was there sipping my usual tea and quietly listening to their conversation. Okina stated she needed some time alone, to relax and have a break from everything, but I knew she needed to be away from me. After all she was juggling many different jobs. If she wasn't trying to be an Okashira, she was either cleaning, helping in the restaurant, doing other numerous chores, going to the markets, training and looking after me. No matter how many things she needed to do in that day it was always I who was first priority. She'd come to the temple giving me tea, keeping me company and talking about the general day. She'd bring me lunch sometimes and even though I rarely spoke she'd sit in the silence with me just content I was around. I too was content at having her presence near me, protecting me from my inner nightmares, my inner guilt.

She had not approached me that whole day she was leaving. It was as though she was afraid to tell me she was going away. That she was leaving my side even for a short trip, one that she desperately needed. I knew deep inside she was torn apart. She fully hadn't decided if she was going to go until her final day arrived. She worries about me too much, more then I worry for myself. Half of her would be begging her to go, to finally think of herself for a change and not worry about the others and myself. The other side however would tell her to stay, telling her that the others need her here that her 'Aoshi-sama' needed her here. I remember watching her from the roof of the Aoiya building. She had finally made her decision with the help of the others telling her everything is going to be fine and a month would pass quickly. I had been sitting up there watching the others hug her telling her to have a safe and relaxing trip. I was contemplating whether or not I should watch over her in her travels. My mind told me to go with her, to make sure she made it safely to Himura's and then I'd depart returning to the Aoiya. My heart however knew what was best. Let her go on her own. She is old enough after all. Misao is a very independent and strong young woman. If she ever found out I thought she was incapable of looking after herself she'd never forgive me. I couldn't do it. I wanted her forgiveness about what happened years ago and received it from her. I never want to betray her again, I'd rather die then betray her trust. It wasn't that I didn't think she was capable of looking after herself, it was just that I wanted to look after her, I wanted to protect her, I wanted to watch over her. My heart ached knowing the truth that I wasn't allowed to follow her because I knew that I wouldn't be able to depart once she reached her destination. I'd stay and wait for the day she decided to return back to the Aoiya and then I'd return as well. I had listened to her slightly saddened voice asking the others to say goodbye to me for her. Telling them to tell me she was sorry she wouldn't be around to help me and she would miss my company. I laughed on the inside hearing that part. I was not good company at all, but to her I was the best company of all. Although I rarely spoke, acknowledged she was around she'd still come to the temple, still making sure I was okay, just hoping something inside of me changed. It was her mission, her promise to the others that I was going to be all right, that she was going to help me no matter how long it took her. My heart had swelled hearing her speaking to Hannya and the others a few weeks ago. 

I closed my eyes as though I could see that image in my mind. It was a cool night and quite late. I had been wandering around the Aoiya as though I were on patrol, just like years ago when the others were alive and we hadn't left. I moved around to the back area and hid amongst the shadows when I heard the shoji door open. Misao had walked out into the yard wearing her sleeping yukata. She walked around in the grass barefoot looking up into the night sky. It was a full moon and it cast a silvery glow over the entire yard and over her bare arms, legs and of course her delicate face. I watched as she kneeled down in the lush grass her face still upturned and she began to speak. She told Hannya and the others to rest easy, she promised them she'd protect me from guilt, that she'd set me free. I leaned against the tree listening to her pray to the gods to let me find peace and to come home. I rarely stayed at the Aoiya, feeling as though I am no longer apart of the Oniwabanshuu, as I had betrayed them, forgetting about my loyalty. I was their leader and yet I had cast that honorable role away as though it were nothing. In my mind I had good intentions to make every person know who was the best. I wanted others to know that the Oniwabanshuu were number one and yet I also knew apart of me desired to be the strongest individually. How selfish had I been about that and because of that vendetta it had gotten my close friends and my loyal companions killed.

I opened my eyes looking over towards the path seeing Misao's figure coming closer. She was finally home. A month had passed, but to me it had been the slowest days of my entire life. I had sat on the roof the rest of that day, my mind raced over the image of her retreating form slowly disappearing into the landscape down the road. She had finally left. Their were quiet mumbles of the others suggesting they not tell me about Misao's departure but I finally had a reason to smirk when Okina had spoken that I already knew and would have felt that Misao was gone. Of course confused questions came from the other members of the household but Okina never answered and walked back inside. The old man was wise and knew me all too well. I never showed emotions fearing they were weak, and could be used as a disadvantage even though I knew how much it hurt Misao inside and Okina knew every one of my tricks, so I could never get anything past the old man. 

I remember those bright blue eyes glistened happily talking to me the day before she left and what occurred when I had spoken back. It was as though I had given her the greatest gift of all at replying to her. I gave her a side glance seeing her eyes sparkle with unshed tears but she bravely held them back not wanting to cry in front of me. Her hands were clasped together in front of her heart taking what I said into her deeply. Moments later I could feel the sadness seep through her aura like a tidal wave as she thought about leaving. I cast it aside not bringing it up, as she would feel a little scared and frightened as though she had failed. She promised our fallen companions she'd stay by my side and never leave and yet she was going tomorrow. Inside she would feel as though she was breaking her promise even though she was returning. I shook my head from those thoughts and heard the gate click open and closed. Misao was home safely. 

To say I missed her was an understatement. That night she left I walked around the Aoiya not hearing her voice, not seeing her eyes, or that laugh, not seeing her presence, or that smile and not smelling her sweet scent. She had gone and taken everything that kept me safe from myself away. At night I'd enter her room just wanting to be around her scent. Part of me told myself to get out, this was her privacy and yet the other side reasoned saying I'd been in here many times before when we were younger and it wouldn't hurt, as she'd never know. I sat down on her bedding and found one of her shirts dumped on there. I picked it up bringing it closer to my face and closed my eyes breathing in her sweet scent. Of course it made me feel lightheaded but I just wanted her near me. I would lie down on my side facing away from the window and looking into the darkened room wanting to hear her laughter. I'd soon curl up into a tight ball, holding the shirt for deal life in front of my face making sure her scent was near me and all around me so I wouldn't fall deep into my own darkness and guilt. For that month I stayed in her room as this shirt had become my anchor so I'd stay focused and insure myself that Misao was gone for now but she was coming back. I'd awake just before sunrise and leave her room to walk back to the temple. Everyone would still be asleep and no one knew about my little visits during the night. She had been gone too long…

"Aoshi-sama…" I stood up hearing her call my name, the name she had always called me and watched her walk to the steps. My eyes widened the briefest, but unseen by her as her form was now under the shelter and she folded the umbrella letting me look at her. There was no tension in her muscles like there had been a month ago. Those eyes still sparkled with endless emotions and her smile was small and secretive rather then large and joyous like before. My eyes were guarded by my long bangs and I cast my gaze looking over her. She was wearing a kimono. One made of complete silk and the colour of the ocean. The bottom of it was slightly damp from not being able to avoid puddles of water while walking back to the Aoiya. Her hair was not in its usual plait either. It was placed in an elegant bun, which was loose, so strips of hair fell down her neck and framed her pale face. I watched as she leaned the umbrella against one of the posts, slipped off her shoes and spoke.

"I'm just going to tell the others I'm home and then I'm coming back Aoshi-sama. Don't go anywhere." I watched her turn around and open the shoji door. Before I could actually control my thoughts I had spoken out loud.

"Misao?" She turned half around looking back at me and I froze not knowing what to say. She stood there waiting for something, anything from me and I turned away looking back into the yard.

"It's good to see you…" I had mumbled out.

"I missed you too Aoshi-sama." I turned around hearing the shoji door close and smiled as she read my inner statement inside those words. She had gotten wiser and looked more beautiful then ever. I sat down on the porch once more, the image of Misao running through my mind. I heard laughter coming from inside as everyone greeted Misao probably asking her a million questions about her trip. 

Minutes passed by and I closed my eyes knowing she'd wave them off telling them she'd speak later, probably during dinner as she was coming back to see me first. I had my back leaning against a post and was slightly slouched as my legs were stretched in front of me as I was sitting on the top step under the roofing of the Aoiya. My eyes opened hearing the sliding of the shoji door open and Misao's laughter drifted out as she yelled back to the others.

"HAI! They are for everyone!" I breathed in her scent feeling it close all around me and turned my head slightly and watched her sit down on the porch leaning her left side against the pole my legs were close to touching and curl her legs out to the side of her. Her kimono slightly parted and I could see her creamy flesh underneath. She didn't seem to notice as she placed her hands in her lap and looked over at me. She was biting her lower lip not being able to tell whether or not I was looking at her.

"Himura asked where you were." I stayed silent just wanting to watch her. My eyes gazed into hers but it went unnoticed, as she couldn't see them. The joy of having long bangs. I watched as her eyebrows frowned slightly at my lack of response. I suppressed a smile as she was becoming frustrated. Her jaw was set and I watched amusedly as she got on her hands and knees crawling towards me. I sighed quietly thanking the gods that Misao; the persistent ninja girl was coming out in her. Yep the young Misao was still in this older version of herself. She was now sitting right beside me looking at my face just a foot in front of me and her eyes held determination. Now it was my turn to surprise her. I sat up not slouching anymore and raked one hand through my bangs and glanced my blue-green eyes over to her slightly widened ones and then dropped my hand away watching as my bangs fell back into place but slightly messier. A smile spread over Misao's face and she soon spoke happily. 

"They were surprised I hadn't dragged you with me or Okina hadn't told me to take you with me for company. Actually I knew it was only for protection, as he didn't want anything happening to me. I told them I needed time just for me, just to be Misao and not a ninja with responsibilities, just a normal woman. A-Aoshi-sama, are you mad I left?" I looked into those slightly frightened eyes as she awaited my answer. Misao was right too. She wasn't a normal woman; she grew up learning to fight and always wanted to be around Hannya, Beshimi, Shijuksho, Hyotokko and me. She had many scars, not as deep or eye catching like mine but she had scars. Normal women didn't have that. Their family or husbands usually protected them, but Misao wanted to be independent, she wanted to take care of herself. She didn't wish to act like a little girl, she wanted to go on missions with us, she wanted to camp in the forest and get all dirty. That's what Misao loved, that's who Misao was. 

"I'm glad you went Misao." I spoke looking at her. I watch her lips turn into a frown and those eyes sadden.

"Oh…" She had bent her head and I rolled my eyes knowing she misread my statement and spoke again.

"That wasn't supposed to be mean Misao. I truly am glad you left and had a wonderful time in Edo with Himura and the others." I watch her head lift up at hearing this and a smile spread over her face. She soon looked out into the drenched yard. I cast my eyes over to her as she sighed happily at being home.

"I assume you brought gifts for the others from the excited yells that occurred inside the building moments ago." She nodded her head and I spoke again.

"So how come I don't get one Misao? Am I not apart of the Oniwabanshuu after all?" I heard her gasp slightly at hearing me say I was apart of the family. She had placed her hands over her mouth; her eyes wide and glistening with unshed tears. She soon dropped her hands away from her mouth and clasped them together and soon spoke shakily to me.

"A-Aoshi-sama, w-what happened to y-you?" I turned my face looking out into the rain and spoke in a low voice.

"The rain is what happened Misao. It has been falling for an entire month. It started ever since you left. It was strong at times but now it's constant, never letting up. I would walk to the temple getting drenched even with an umbrella protecting me. It wanted to wash away my nightmares, my guilt and my pain. It didn't want me to feel anything but happiness, joy and love that it showered upon me. It was there with its fresh scent telling me to not hide under anything, to come out and face everything and everyone. To show the others who I truly am and not who I was before. It reminded me of you. It was as though you had never left. Sure your physical self wasn't around but it was as though you were still spiritually here watching over me making sure I knew that you were always with me and the fact that you were coming back." I felt a slight pressure and looked over at Misao to see her small hands were cradling one of my larger ones. She was biting her bottom lip to stop it from trembling and I watched as one tear escaped her eyes and rolled down her sweet face. I lifted my right hand brushing my fingers over her soft cheek wiping the tear streak away. I watched Misao take in a shaky breath. An evident soft blush crossed over her cheeks and she spoke in a quiet voice.

"So the rain changed you?" 

"It changed a part of me…but you…changed me the most." I looked away saying this. I was never good with emotions and here I was trying to show Misao something. My body stiffened slightly as I felt her arm wrap around my waist as she was leaning on my left side her head placed on my shoulder. I guess this was a good sign then. I took in a deep breath and shifted slightly moving my left arm and placed it around her small shoulders so her head was closer to mine and she could hear the beating of my heart. Her body relaxed as though it wanted to mould with mine and she sighed happily but tiredly. I looked down noticing her free hand was now placed on my chest just on the other side of her head. Misao's eyes were closed, content at resting in my embrace as she was falling asleep. 

"Misao…" I spoke quietly into her hair to see if she was asleep and received a mumble as an answer.

"Sweet smell…so gentle…so…so Aoshi…" I smiled at her words and soon shifted her and rose from the porch. I was now cradling a sleeping Misao in my arms and it felt right. It was as though she belonged in my arms and against me. I opened the door with my foot and walked inside closing it with my foot again. I watched as the others stopped looking at the numerous amounts of gifts in the main room and looked over at me. There mouths were parted open in surprise at seeing me holding Misao so lovingly but I turned my gaze to Okina to see he had a contented smile covering his face, as though approving of this situation. I began ascending the stairs taking Misao to her room. I opened the door and walked in placing her on her bed and pulling the covers over her. I watched as she snuggled in closer sighing happily. I bent down knowing she was asleep and pressed my lips against her forehead. I got up leaving the room and closed the door silently behind me.

* * * *

It was early morning and I was again sitting on the porch but this time in the backyard looking at the rain once more. It was now a shower and not heavy. I could easily place my back against the post and fall asleep, which is what was happening at the moment. The others had not woken up yet as they stayed up celebrating Misao's return, even though she wasn't there to attend. I opened my eyes and jerked back knocking my head against the post at seeing Misao sitting in front of me wearing her usual ninja shirt but she had on a pair of long dark blue pants. Her hair was free from its bun and cascaded down to the wooden floorboards and rather messy too. She giggled knowing full aware that she had surprised me.

"Are you alright Aoshi-sama?" She spoke trying to suppress her giggles but was unsuccessful. I nodded my head, rubbing the back of it for a few seconds and spoke back to her.

"Aoshi…" She looked confusedly at me and I spoke again.

"Say it." It wasn't really a demand it was more of a request. I watched as she opened her mouth to speak.

"But Aoshi-sama…"

"Please say my real name Misao." I was amazed at how quietly my voice had gotten as though the 'sama' part coming from her lips really hurt.

"Alright Aoshi." I watched a small blush cover her cheeks at never saying this to me in person before and she soon gave me a shy yet cute smile and I spoke once more, then turned to look out into the yard.

"Thank you."

Minutes of silence contained us and I watched as Misao stood up walking out into the backyard and into the light shower. She stood barefoot in the drenched grass her arms high above her head as she began turning around wanting the rain to soak her through. I watched as she dropped her arms turning to walk back over to me. She stood in front of me and grabbed my hands with her smaller ones pulling me to my feet. I let her pull me up and gave her a confused look. Misao began walking backwards and I followed as she led me into the rain with her. I turned my face upwards letting the cool rain hit it while feeling Misao's warm yet wet hands wrapped in mine. I opened my eyes seeing my four friends in the clouds. I quickly closed them and opened them once more to see nothing. 

"Aoshi are you okay?" I looked down and noticed Misao was gazing at me with concern. I gave her a small smile and nodded my head. I watched a blush creep over her cheeks and she spoke in a shy voice while bowing her head not being able to look up at me.

"Am I really like the rain Aoshi?"

"Yes." I spoke back faster then I thought. Her head was still bowed but I observed as her blush grew deeper and she soon tightened her grip around my hands and spoke again.

"Do you…Do you like the rain Aoshi?" I pulled one of my hands free and placed it under her chin lifting her head so I could gaze into those beautiful eyes I have been missing so much. Droplets of water fell down her hair and dropped onto her face rolling down her cheeks and dropping off her chin.

"I do like the rain Misao, a lot actually." I watched a smile spread over her face and she wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest. I returned it with my own embrace and placed my head on top of hers kissing her wet hair.

"I did get you a gift Aoshi. One that I have had for a long time." I let go looking down at her and she soon grabbed my hand and placed it over her heart and held it there. I watched her eyes as they held slight fear as though still waiting for rejection but I smiled down at her and spoke.

"Oh well, I suppose that will have to do." Her mouth parted for a retort but I bent down pressing my lips to hers lightly. Misao let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me closer. My arms instinctively wrapped around her small body pulling hers tightly to mine. She came willingly and she fit perfectly against me as though her body really did mould against mine. I sighed lightly pulling away and looking down at her once more. I watched those eyes flutter open and she spoke in a slight whisper.

"The next time I go away Aoshi, I'm taking you with me." I nodded my head and soon spoke in her ear as I wrapped her up in my embrace loving the feel of Misao being so close to me.

"You were gone too long Misao and if you go again I shall come willingly." I heard her slight giggles that warmed my heart even more and she spoke again.

"Hai, Aoshi. Aishiteru forever." I held her tightly hearing her say this and soon spoke in her ear once more.

"Aishiteru as well Misao-mine." And there we stood being drenched by the rain, but it didn't matter to me anyway, the rain was also my Misao too. 

The End


End file.
